3 Things that go into Legacy

Whether you're married with kids or married without kids - leadership in your family will not only encourage all members to live intentionally but will also bring a level of peace, confidence, and security to the household. Not all families are perfect, nor is one family unit better than another. Different families do different things together. Families have different values, ideologies, and ways of doing things. However, there's one fault than can utterly derail the unity and bond of a family - whether tangibly seen or not. The effects ripple into kid's lives outside of the family, to the next generation, and so forth. The way a family is led will change its trajectory - either to destruction or to life. I know many people with families who don't even realize the unintentional impact they are having on their loved ones - this only leads to a lack of true care and love, negative behavior and potentially disunity. Check out these stats on divorce and children of divorce in the U.S.: - Forty-three percent of children growing up in America today are being raised without their fathers. - Seventy-five percent of children with divorced parents live with their mother. - Half of all American children will witness the breakup of a parent's marriage. Of these children, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent's second marriage. Shocking and unsightly. Besides the obvious danger of poor leadership in the family leading to separation and divorce, I want to bring to light some other common pitfalls of poor leadership that show up in the family unit. Here's some symptoms of family tension to watch out for>> A lack of direction and purpose as a family and individuals - allowing for no unifying cause to bring the family together Complacency and passivity in life, accepting issues and doing nothing to help resolve or improve them - continuing the cycle of brushing things off, moving on, and just waiting for the next time it comes up A lack of vulnerability and authenticity because of fear of retribution or condemnation - either for lack of following suit or failure to accept and forgive 4. Spouse and children are unhappy or unsatisfied with the family and feel it as a burden more than a safe place It's always easier in the moment to not put forth the effort to lead your family well. Personally I've experienced these moments and failed to truly lead in intentionality. Here's a story to think about. About a year and a half ago, I was at a point in my life where I was caught up with the fact that what I was doing(work wise) was more important and valued higher than my wife or family's wellbeing. I was literally at a point where I was saying, "look Meg, right now I need to focus on this and get this done. I don't have time to deal with us right now.". This behavior actually went on for several months. Simply because it was easy for me in that moment to consider getting work done as more important because I was the one providing for the family. It was even so bad that at any moment I expected the house to be tidy and food to be ready, just in that moment. I failed to realize that caring for a child all day was a ton of work too, and living to the standards I set were unrealistic - I just couldn't see it. This mindset made it difficult for me to even see the necessity of leading intentionally. I assumed I was doing what I was supposed to do, and that she needed to do what she was supposed to do. If we both did what we were supposed to do then our family would be great and everyone would be happy. I was so tied up in my work and getting things done I didn't even want to take the time to focus on my wife, her feelings, and the wellbeing and care of my family. During this, it was hard for my wife to get through to me, I was set on what I thought was right and wouldn't listen or accept the feelings my wife was having. You can see the symptoms here right? There was no sense of unity, each person was to do their own thing to make the family work. Vulnerability was difficult because I made it hard for her to share how she was feeling and then I was getting upset at her not doing her part.. etc. etc.. It's obvious now, but when you're in it, seeing it is difficult. So whether you "see" the symptoms in your family dynamics or not, here's why you MUST start NOW leading your family well and 5 simple and practical ways to really establishing a cadence of intentionality. **If you're wondering, the reason I wanted to write this blog is because I did realize the course of my error. After a lot of thought, prayer, and my wife lovingly speaking truth, I lead my family in a way that denotes all of the following as something I've put into practice. Reasons and results of the importance of leading your family well: If your family dynamic isn't healthy, you're probably not healthy either Promotes positive habits like health, stewardship, learning, etc Allows for common ground of openly sharing and being vulnerable Promotes a spirit of unity and closeness around the home Gives your children a desire to grow, make good decisions, and lead their own life well FIVE simple and practical ways to establish a cadence of intentionality: 1. Lead by example by living out the values you want your spouse and children to exemplify 2. Create and implement a list of family traditions 3. Teach and inspire your family values, mission, and vision 4. Routinely put forth thoughtful moments or events for each member of your family to feel valued or special 5. Create a family action plan towards growth in all areas of life(physical, relational, emotional, spiritual, financial) Leading my family in a way that inspires and offers growth, authenticity, unity, and intentionality has been a journey, but one of the biggest blessings one could ask for! Not only is doing so a ton of fun, but experiencing first hand the benefits and rewards of doing so is incredibly worth it. I encourage you, learn from me, and START NOW. credit to the stats: Posted on Oct 30, 2012 12:00am PDT. "32 Shocking Divorce Statistics - McKinley Irvin." Washington Divorce & Family Lawyer. N.p., n.d. Web. 16 Feb. 2017. <https://www.mckinleyirvin.com/Family-Law-Blog/2012/October/32-Shocking-Divorce- Statistics.aspx>.

The term Family Legacy oftentimes is referred to as some sort of financial inheritance or establishing your wealth plan and how you will disperse it to your descendants. However, when we talk about family legacy, we are talking about everybody everywhere building and leaving some sort of legacy. What is legacy then?  Legacy is actually the long term effect and response that your children and those closest to you experience as a result of how you lived and what you talked about.  In short, legacy is an inheritance of values, principles, lifestyles, choices, and hopefully a central mission. An inheritance is something that is not only given but also received. It is a both/and. There MUST be intentional and strategic acts by which we purposefully give our legacy to our children. However, our children must also willingly and enthusiastically grab hold of and embody our legacy in order for it to survive and thrive for generations!  An Inheritance of Family Legacy is both given and received.  So, how do we actually make that transfer and how can we get our kids to take hold of all we profess and demonstrate?  Here are 3 necessary(I would even call them the PILLARS OF FAMILY LEGACY) ingredients to ensure that it is transferred effectively. There are other necessary ingredients but we will cover those at a later time.   Ingredient #1: STORY What do I mean by story? Story is where you start off, it is remembrance and the act of bringing forth the past in order to learn from it so we can make improvements going into the future. Story is everything from our origins, our heritage,  Story is ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL. Why? Because the telling of our stories(origins, heritage, history, etc..) is what we use to illustrate and capture the hearts of our children. When we tell stories of our past it gives them the opportunity to imagine and feel what happened in their own mind. It gives them something both tangible evidence and sensational qualities that they can relate with.  The other reason I would say that Story is such a vital component to a Family Legacy is because our story reminds us of where we were. That where we are now didn't just happen, but that there was struggle and growth, joy and sadness - in order to get to where we are now. Telling the story of who we are, where we came from, and much more gives us and our kids a reason to remain humble.  The Bible offers countless examples of how God was constantly reminded the Israelites where they came from! He did this both to show them who He was but to instill humility! Humans are prideful! Attaining humility is tough but our stories are what draw that crucial character train into existence in us and our kids. Humility tells us that we are all on a journey, that we don't have it all figured out, and that we still need help to learn and grow. Maybe you are wondering where it would be good to start when attempting to tell your story. Here are some ideas on, how, and things to include when, telling your story to each other and to your kids.  Take time to think through your own childhood - reminisce on both positive and negative experiences and make a list of them. Write out some of the struggles or challenges that your grandparents, parents, or other family members experienced or went through and take note of how those challenges affected you. Do some research on your family history, maybe use a DNA test to grow your understanding of the lineage of your family Think of moments that made you come alive, made you laugh, and made you cry When you find times to share, pick a moment or event and share it with emotion...aka humor, excitement, passion, heartbreak.. This will allow your kids to feel what you felt and understand on a deeper level though they may not be able to grasp the words or concepts yet. Tell them how you overcame some of the pain you may have experienced - this is where we often tell about Jesus and how He helped us get through tough times In our experience, kids LOVE to hear stories of when we were kids. They love to be able to relate with us and understand what it was like for us a child! So make sure you take time as often as you can to share some stories. Humility positions our hearts to receive what we've realized we ned through the telling of our stories. It positions our kids' hearts to desire what it will take to continue to live better and grow in character.  Thus, a nicely orchestrated opportunity to begin weaving in, demonstrating, and teaching everything you stand for.  Ingredient #2: VALUES Our values are our leading indicators of what we believe and stand for. Where we "draw the line" of right and wrong AND what is MOST IMPORTANT versus least important.  In Family Legacy Mapping we often say that "what we value determines what we do". Our values inform and drive our daily decisions. The decisions that we make ultimately become the story that we tell(intentionally or unintentionally). We will all tell a story. However, it is the active focus of what we value most that filters what we decide to do. Are our decisions telling a story that is worth being told?  Today, it is hard to cut through the noise of everything the world is bombarding us with day in and day out. The world is ruthless. So, if we aren't CRYSTAL CLEAR on what we value and stand for, the world will take us at the knees. Before long we are swept away.  A lack of clarity and focus will lead us into drift and simply 'getting by'. Before long, we will look back after 20 years and ask ourselves, "Where did the time go?".  Unfortunately for us, there is never any "break time" - we are constantly moving. We are just either moving forwards or backwards.   Sounds hard and overwhelming but the clearer we are the easier it gets to filter out the noise and focus on what matters most.  Thankfully, it is possible to get clear. It is hard but it is possible. Legacy Mapping makes it simple and guides you along the way. Andy Stanley said "Until you stop long enough to decide ahead of time where you want to go, you will live your life unaware of the sacrifices necessary to get there".  So, after we have clarified what we value, or what is most important, then we have to intentionally demonstrate what we value. Otherwise is it really what we value? Probably not, therefore it takes focused, intentional, action on a regular basis.  This is how we must first profess and teach our kids what we value. We ourselves have to demonstrate it. Why? Because our kids won't always do what we say, but they will always do what we do. Kids are imitators, they like to mimic.  For us, this looks like starting with a list of our core family values and then brainstorming how we might implement them into our daily, weekly, and monthly life. We do what we believe.  We take what we value and we put in on the calendar. If not, then we can't say we value it. Now, this is where the rubber hits the road and where most fall out. It is extremely hard to intentionally demonstrate what we value but it is sooooo important if we intend to Build a Legacy that Lasts. First, our kids are imitators, so they will do it if we do it. Secondly, when we do it and they do it, it affords us the opportunity to reinforce our values by physically telling them what we value and why.  This is where our kids will begin to grasp it and even desire it. When they see the fruit, when they see the benefits being lived in our own lives, they will want the same thing.  When are kids are seeing it and wanting it, we can then profess and teach. Reinforcing the why, and doing so regularly over the course of their 18 years of life at home.  Now, just like our values determine what we do, what we do drives the story that we tell.  Ingredient #3: MISSION Mission is the last and final primary ingredient to build a legacy that lasts. We want the story that we tell with our value-informed decisions to drive our mission as a family forward. We want our mission TO BE our story. How do you know what your mission is or will be?  It is the cumulative response to strategic questions, values, and decisions. It is the grand statement and overall focus as a family. It sums up everything in a memorable, repeatable, and captivating way. It is and will be the way our family is known and remembered for generations to come. It guides, reminds, and re-aligns our family back to our why. It pulls us forward and brings us together.  The intentional outworking of the Family Mission is the bonding element for the whole family. It is what motivates us to sacrifice our own wants for the greater good of the family. It too, with our values, helps to inform our decisions which inevitably create a sharpening of our character as people and facilitates an environment of unity, joy, peace, and satisfaction in the family.  Mission is what is needed to remind us of all we stand for and remind us of where we have been. But it also is meant to pull us into the future, it is meant to facilitate a central focus and goal as a family. Something to rally around, to talk about, and live out together and in our own lives. The mission becomes everyone's aim.  However, it doesn't become reality if the other building blocks are not effectively working. Each building block is required simultaneously and in synchrony in order to build a legacy that lasts.  Our Story reminds us of our PAST, our Values determine what we do in the PRESENT, and our Mission leads us into the FUTURE.  Each ingredient is required and when we perform each with intentionality and regularly we will build a legacy, we will become Legacymakers.  Being a Legacymaker isn't meant to be done alone, at Legacymakers, we provide the process, the encouragement, and accountability to ensure that the legacy you leave is the legacy you intend to leave.  The Building Blocks of a Family Legacy: